2014
To be honest, with all of the global catastrophes and with the whole 2012 mayan calendar bit, I wasn't really expecting for things to be functioning much after 2012. But I guess these predictions can't really be trusted and our perceptions of the world don't necessarily make the world different from the way it is.
I am officially a matriculated graduate student, as of this month. I have started my new classes, which are all very interesting so far, they are classes in organic agriculture as well as plant nutrient bioavailability.
I am enjoying them, I feel like I am learning quite a bit. I also have the task of starting my research proposal soon.
My project will most likely be comparing in field soil test kits with laboratory soil tests. Basically this kind of research will aid farmers/conservationists with soil dilemmas who may not have access to soil labs or means to send soils to one.
I feel good about learning more about this, and it does seem that this will be useful for me to know about once I am done with school and seeking to volunteer or do whatever I end up doing upon graduation.
The downside to all of this, it's difficult to get over the feeling of not doing anything at this moment. Not living fully in this moment.
Like if it were up to me right now, I would want to be in an eco-community and just live, be in nature, working hard.
Unfortunately it doesn't seem that being in an eco-village and being at a university really go hand in hand. Maybe they do.. in my situation they don't really.
I currently live in an apartment in a city or town.. whatever it should be called, somewhat isolated from nature and wildlife. Most of what I do these days involves work sitting down at a computer.
I keep telling myself, this will only be for a couple of years. And then I will be able to serve that much more once I am through.
I find myself questioning this assumption all of the time. Is it true? Do I really have the focus required to read scientific journal after scientific journal? Is it really going to benefit society that I live like this for the next two years?
On the other hand, the ideas of pulling out, and going and living with the land, I also worry about. It could possibly be the biggest regret I will always have. If I don't do this school thing now, I don't think it will ever happen. Look how far I have come, I can't turn away now.
Maybe all of these thoughts come up so frequently because this is all so new to me. All of it. I have never had to write a proposal before, it's intimidating.
I have never had to structure my time so efficiently before. It can be very stressful.
I can't help but to think though, that this is the exact training that I need.
Perhaps all of this is disguised by some degree by some university. But actually it's a training in dealing with the mind. It's training me to deal with negativity, and forming it into a manner that I must use in order to succeed. Perhaps its showing me a different way to view life, instead of seeing everything as so black and white, teaching me the grey areas.
Perhaps it's teaching me how to be self-disciplined and cautious of just any kind of idea.
Perhaps most importantly it's teaching me confidence and how to be comfortable in my own skin.
It's possible that the program isn't teaching me all of this stuff. It's also possible that I would be learning all of this stuff even without a program. But I have to remind myself, that before I started on this journey to go back to school, I had similar feelings, I had feelings that I needed to be better, I needed to learn more, I needed to push myself.
And now that I am here, it's like I'm idealizing that other state of being. But actually our real lesson in life, is to be happy and grateful for where ever we are. Be at peace with it. Be equally at peace with staying where you are, as well as going someplace else if needed.
Oh life lessons. I am perpetually learning.
To be honest, with all of the global catastrophes and with the whole 2012 mayan calendar bit, I wasn't really expecting for things to be functioning much after 2012. But I guess these predictions can't really be trusted and our perceptions of the world don't necessarily make the world different from the way it is.
I am officially a matriculated graduate student, as of this month. I have started my new classes, which are all very interesting so far, they are classes in organic agriculture as well as plant nutrient bioavailability.
I am enjoying them, I feel like I am learning quite a bit. I also have the task of starting my research proposal soon.
My project will most likely be comparing in field soil test kits with laboratory soil tests. Basically this kind of research will aid farmers/conservationists with soil dilemmas who may not have access to soil labs or means to send soils to one.
I feel good about learning more about this, and it does seem that this will be useful for me to know about once I am done with school and seeking to volunteer or do whatever I end up doing upon graduation.
The downside to all of this, it's difficult to get over the feeling of not doing anything at this moment. Not living fully in this moment.
Like if it were up to me right now, I would want to be in an eco-community and just live, be in nature, working hard.
Unfortunately it doesn't seem that being in an eco-village and being at a university really go hand in hand. Maybe they do.. in my situation they don't really.
I currently live in an apartment in a city or town.. whatever it should be called, somewhat isolated from nature and wildlife. Most of what I do these days involves work sitting down at a computer.
I keep telling myself, this will only be for a couple of years. And then I will be able to serve that much more once I am through.
I find myself questioning this assumption all of the time. Is it true? Do I really have the focus required to read scientific journal after scientific journal? Is it really going to benefit society that I live like this for the next two years?
On the other hand, the ideas of pulling out, and going and living with the land, I also worry about. It could possibly be the biggest regret I will always have. If I don't do this school thing now, I don't think it will ever happen. Look how far I have come, I can't turn away now.
Maybe all of these thoughts come up so frequently because this is all so new to me. All of it. I have never had to write a proposal before, it's intimidating.
I have never had to structure my time so efficiently before. It can be very stressful.
I can't help but to think though, that this is the exact training that I need.
Perhaps all of this is disguised by some degree by some university. But actually it's a training in dealing with the mind. It's training me to deal with negativity, and forming it into a manner that I must use in order to succeed. Perhaps its showing me a different way to view life, instead of seeing everything as so black and white, teaching me the grey areas.
Perhaps it's teaching me how to be self-disciplined and cautious of just any kind of idea.
Perhaps most importantly it's teaching me confidence and how to be comfortable in my own skin.
It's possible that the program isn't teaching me all of this stuff. It's also possible that I would be learning all of this stuff even without a program. But I have to remind myself, that before I started on this journey to go back to school, I had similar feelings, I had feelings that I needed to be better, I needed to learn more, I needed to push myself.
And now that I am here, it's like I'm idealizing that other state of being. But actually our real lesson in life, is to be happy and grateful for where ever we are. Be at peace with it. Be equally at peace with staying where you are, as well as going someplace else if needed.
Oh life lessons. I am perpetually learning.
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